As a parent, seeing your child refuse school can feel overwhelming, leaving you feeling anxious about their wellbeing. School refusal, often rooted in anxiety, is not a sign of defiance but of genuine distress. Understanding its causes and knowing how to support your child can make all the difference.
In this article we aim to guide parents in recognising the signs and offer practical steps for supporting their child.
What is School Refusal?
School refusal goes beyond the typical reluctance many children experience. It often manifests as extreme anxiety about attending school, leading to frequent absences. The causes are diverse - academic pressure, fear of social situations, bullying, or separation anxiety may all contribute. These fears often translate into physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, or nausea, particularly on school mornings.
Children will often refuse to attend school because of the way they feel when they are there. Recognising emotions though can be very difficult for neurodivergent children so, instead of individual instances causing them upset, i.e. being pushed once in the playground or not getting to sit on their favourite seat, they just remember being upset at school and can’t move past it, therefore rejecting school in its entirety.
Samantha Lavender, Grace’s Neurodiversity & Special Needs Advice Manager says:
‘Unlike traditional truancy, school refusal is not about rebellion. Children who refuse school often want to attend but feel unable to cope with the emotional stress it brings. Their distress is real, and for the adults around the child, it’s important to approach the situation with patience and understanding.’
The Link Between Neurodiversity and School Refusal
Neurodiverse children, including those with autism or ADHD, are more susceptible to school refusal. For them, the school environment can present a host of sensory, social, and cognitive challenges. These children might find loud noises, bright lights, or busy environments overwhelming. Social dynamics can also feel confusing or isolating, particularly for children with autism, who may struggle with understanding unspoken social rules or dealing with changes in routine.
Children with ADHD may face frustration from difficulties in focusing or managing their impulses, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Over time, these stressors can accumulate, making school feel like an unsafe or unbearable space.
Recognising the Signs
As a parent, the signs of school refusal may become apparent in various ways. Look out for physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, or complaints of feeling unwell - particularly if these arise consistently on school mornings and can be the physical manifestation of anxiety. Emotional outbursts, like crying or anger, or sudden refusals to engage in conversations about school can also be significant indicators.
Neurodivergent children might show additional signs, such as increased sensory sensitivity or repetitive behaviours. It’s important to consider how these behaviours connect to their wider emotional wellbeing.
Supporting Your Child Through School Refusal
Open the lines of communication: Acknowledge your child’s feelings and listen without judgement. When a child feels heard, they’re more likely to share the specific worries troubling them. Try to gently understand whether it’s a fear of social situations, performance anxiety, or something specific at school that’s contributing to their distress. Once they’ve calmed down, help them identify and name their emotions so they can better express themselves in the future.
Partner with the school: Teachers and staff play a pivotal role in helping to manage school refusal. Work with them to identify triggers and develop a support plan. Sometimes they can offer for the child to come to school through a quieter entrance, have a member of staff meet them and then do a favoured activity in a quiet space before registration. These activities can help the child to regulate.
For neurodiverse children, adjustments like sensory breaks, quiet spaces, or changes in the learning environment can make a big difference throughout the day to make their school experience more enjoyable.
Unpicking the underlying reasons behind school refusal, rather than focusing solely on the refusal itself, has to be the first step. School staff and the Local Education Authority can signpost you to the appropriate support services when needed.
Develop a flexible approach: Gradually reintroducing your child to the school environment may reduce the intensity of their anxiety. This might involve attending school for shorter periods initially, slowly building up to full days as their confidence grows. Regular praise for small successes will reinforce their progress. Small steps to success!
Create a supportive routine: Children thrive on routine, particularly those who are neurodivergent. Maintaining a consistent morning routine can help ease the anxiety associated with going to school. Visual schedules can also support neurodiverse children in understanding what to expect throughout their day. In order to ensure consistency this will need to be done at home in the morning and then carried on in school throughout the day.
Build in time to decompress: Time to decompress and regulate is important, even if the child is at school and not showing outward signs of anxiety. Making emotional regulation part of the routine before going home can be very beneficial for preventing, or lessening, the emotional outburst once the child is back in their safe space with their grown up.
Seek professional support: For some children, anxiety and school refusal can be deeply entrenched. If your child’s anxiety persists, seeking help from a mental health professional is a proactive step. Ensuring that the child’s special educational needs are taken into account with personalised, relatable and accessible support strategies will make implementation more effective.
Moving Forward with Patience and Empathy
Supporting a child through school refusal can be challenging, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed as a parent. But with patience, empathy, and the right support, progress is possible. By working together with your child, their school, and professionals when needed, you can help them regain confidence and feel more secure in their school environment.
For more information, you can visit YoungMinds or Action for Children
How we can help support
We know that navigating 'the system', accessing assessments, and supporting your child can be frustrating and often feels like an uphill struggle.
Get in touch, and our dedicated team of Neurodiversity Advisers can provide you with the support you need.
Reference - Losh, M & Capps, L (2006) ‘Understanding of Emotional Experience in Autism: Insights From the Personal Accounts of High-Functioning Children With Autism’. Developmental Psychology, 42(5), pp. 809-818
Grace Consulting are the UK’s founding providers of expert independent advice on elderly care advice, special needs advice and neurodiversity advice.
Independence and client wellbeing are at the heart of everything we do. We listen, reassure and advise you on how to move forwards and find the best possible solutions for your unique life challenges.
コメント